The 2nd issue seems very common for me.
Again, there are a lot of things you mention within page — apologizing consistently, creating panic attacks over boring such things as clothing purchasing, even pushing yourself past a panic attack to write this letter (and proof-reading they seven period) — that set my Spidey-sense tingling. A lot of everything you explain sounds a great deal like what’s referred to as Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria — some thing I’ve dealt with over my life as part tastebuds of having ADHD. Now, this does not imply that I think you really have ADHD; in reality, RSD is commonly co-morbid with a great many other problems, like borderline identity problems, anxiety conditions and despair.
Getting rejected awareness and RSD can manifest as anxiety and panic attacks, intrusive head about are “unworthy” of love, relationship and affairs, continual worry you’ve disappointed or angered anyone or being thus frightened of getting rejected you end just not starting… anything. Could allow you to continuously second-guess your self or attempt to assess whatever you’ve done in expectations of either steering clear of getting rejected or reassuring your self that no, everything’s all right and your pals don’t hate your.